January 26, 2012
Awww, shit. Do you know what time it is, Left Ovary? Of course you do – when you spend your days alone in my pelvic cavity, you have nothing to do but mark the passage of time!
Let’s take a look at how we celebrated this glorious eventide in years past…
Year 1: Planned an egg-themed party (get it?!?!), but then I got strep throat and canceled it.
Year 2: My roommate and I got hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street to meet our friends at a bar for some celebratory drinks. We were airlifted to Stanford Hospital with broken skulls and hemorrhaging brains; we both almost died. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS ACTIVITY AS IT REALLY BRINGS DOWN THE MOOD.
Year 3: Was a little wary of leaving the house after the previous year’s shenanigans. Convinced myself having a near-death experience was some sort of karmic retribution for gloating about surviving cancer when so many people do not. Opted to not celebrate that year.
Year 4: Totally forgot until my mom called me a week later to wish me a “happy belated you’ve-almost-died-twice anniversary!” Hadn’t had a near-death experience that week, which further cemented my theory that not publicly celebrating your remission is good karma.
Year 5: Plan on hiding under my covers while youtubing Beyoncé videos all night.
We’ve come a long way, Lefty baby. Happy five years.
January 23, 2012
Now I can plug an ethernet cable into my laptop and it works just fine, though I have to balance uncomfortably on my couch to keep from dropping my laptop or falling on top of the scorching hot heater. It’s a hard life, made harder by the fact that I recently discovered Instapaper and am now in the process of saving every one of my favorite articles I’ve ever found online as well as finding new things to read. So basically, 2012 will be the year of back strain and heater burns.
Of course, I’m also as busy as ever picking out things for my fantasy apartment on Pinterest (I guess I’m just really into cataloging right now). I wonder how many blowjobs I’d have to give to get Nate to agree to a pink couch.
January 17, 2012
I just binged on Pinterest and feel a little better, except now I have this almost unbearable desire to call Camp Design Group in for an apartment facelift. My SF abode is a little small for a second bed though, so I will have to settle for taking things to Goodwill for now.
January 5, 2012
Of course, be mindful of how much pot you smoke before embarking on this diet. If you get too high, you’ll just end up with a ferocious baked ziti craving before the second act.
January 2, 2012
He knows me better than I know myself.
January 2, 2012
Back from my Jewy Christmas in Iowa! The only thing I’d wish we’d done differently is eat bacon.