Posts tagged ‘big boobs’

October 10, 2012

Cool new ad by American Apparel

 

I don’t understand why so many women need occasions like Halloween to justify dressing like a slut. I prefer to let my ass hang out in the summertime, when it’s less cold and less expected.

June 22, 2012

Today I had my first acupuncture appointment and when my doctor stuck the first needle in my neck I jumped and my breast fell out of my shirt.

What did you do today?

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April 18, 2012

I have no weekend plans except to see Titanic 3D, probably by myself.

How are they gonna handle the Kate Winslet boobies situation??? I’ve purposefully abstained from a Google investigation because I want to be surprised, so no one tell me. If I were Kate Winslet, I’d request they get blown up so big they fill the entire theater. 3D = triple D cup. So close you can touch them… but you can’t! xoxo

April 1, 2012

My blog gets hit on more than I do.

Pretty much the only search terms that direct people to my blog are fans looking to write Jonah Hill and people on the prowl for naked ladies. Some of my blog’s most popular search terms from this month:

- best tits 2012
- rebecca tits
- stoner boobs
- “spread my legs for”
-  vagina dog costume
- “i do lesbians”
- slut machine (I hope this means someone is mistaking me for Tracie Egan Morrissey!)
- asses and puss
- sex in socks
- big tits of waco
- big boob age 15
- huge boob age 14

Given the overwhelming data, next week I’m shifting the focus of my blog. Going forward, every post will have a picture of my boobs in it. Thanks for the feedback, Google Analytics!

(P.S. April Fools re: incoming nude pics. Not April Fools re: those search stats.)

March 6, 2012

Questions I Have For Rush Limbaugh

Dear Rush Limbaugh,

I have some questions regarding your statements directed towards Sandra Fluke. According to you, sexually active women who wish their birth control to be paid for are “sluts” and “prostitutes.” By your definition, I am 100% DEFINITELY a super slutty slut prostitute whore. I would never wanna hold an aspirin between my knees, ya know what I’m sayin’? Since I guess that makes me a prostitute, I think it’s high time I start getting paid! But first, I’d like to ask you a few clarifying questions:

- I originally got on birth control when I was 13 because my avid athleticism messed with my period. But, I didn’t lose my virginity (or do anything sexual, for that matter) until I was 18. Should I be compensated for those five years where I was an implied slut because I was taking a slut pill?
- When I did start having slut sex, I lied about being on the pill so boys wouldn’t argue about wearing condoms. Will I be penalized for lying about the degree of my sluttiness, or rather, should I be paid extra for using two forms of slut control?
- In college, I was raped by an acquaintance, and I thanked God that I was on the pill because it meant, on top of everything else, that I didn’t have to deal with a pregnancy scare. I feel like being forced into compromising slut positions would earn me a mini bonus, but I was wondering your thoughts on this?
-  Later in college, I got ovarian cancer. While I wasn’t quite feeling up to slutting by my usual degree, I did stay on the pill to regulate my hormones through chemo. Concurrently, my doctor recommended I stay on birth control for the rest of my life to lessen the chances I lose my remaining ovary. My question: Having one less ovary won’t affect my payday, right? I’m just as fertile as I was before, and my boyfriend can attest I’m just as slutty!
- Speaking of, I spread my legs for my boyfriend, like, ALL the time. Constantly. In every room of our apartment. We’ve even done it in public places before… hehe! And Rush, I hope you won’t judge me for this, but I really like it and I don’t plan on stopping!!! As such, will you be sending me a check for these gratuitous displays of slut by mail or by PayPal? See, my boyfriend makes it abundantly clear on a daily basis that it’s a privilege to have sex with me. I inferred from your sex tips that a monetary representation of his gratitude is in order. Orgasms are great, but they don’t pay the bills, ya dig?

Thanks for all your help, Rush. Hope to hear from you soon!

Rebecca Pederson, slut

February 7, 2012

Today I learned:

Beyoncé sells private dance lessons for three million dollars.

November 14, 2011

Where I thought I would be at 23, at different points in my life

Age 6: I’d look like my grandma. (Any number over 20 seemed so big.)
Age 11: Olympic gold medalist swimmer in the 100m butterfly, and maybe the 200m butterfly if I worked really hard.
Age 14: Standford graduate with a hot business major boyfriend and huge boobs.
Age 15: Musical prodigy discovered singing at an open mic night inside a cafe at NYU. With huge boobs.
Age 16: Orthopedic surgeon whose huge boobs never got in the way of saving lives.
Age 18: Television writer with big jokes and even bigger boobs. (My high school drama teacher told me I shouldn’t count on this ever happening.)
Age 20: Still a television writer, but slightly less obsessed about boob size.
Age 21: Grad school.
Age 22: Not in grad school.

Where I actually found myself at 23: Living in San Francisco and cold all the time. Sleeping with a hot (though not a business major) boyfriend despite the fact that my boobs are not as big as I’d wished them earlier in life. Also actually making a living writing jokes, so suck my beautiful tits, former high school drama teacher.

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