Archive for November, 2011

November 30, 2011

Can I pee first?

I may not be caught up on Glee, but I think I can say with some certainty that this is just the best thing ever:

November 27, 2011

Hark! The holidaze are here.

Oh, hello there. I didn’t hardly see you over the satchel pooch otherwise known as my midsection. You can tell by the suspicious looks my dog is giving my stomach’s gurgling soundtrack that I had a very American Thanksgiving: I gorged for days and also participated in some family traditions that include day drinking and Scrabble with Gramma, and holding the annual Black Friday screaming match with my mom in the middle of the Vacaville Outlet Mall.

Over the long weekend, TakePart made my cancer piece from The Hairpin their health section’s headline. I’m super flattered, though I feel like I should acknowledge I’m not exactly a paragon of good health. This picture is pretty much representative of what I’m carrying around in my insides right now:

That face also accurately conveys how I feel every time I heave myself into my jeans. I’m not bumming too hard though, because I think the extra amount of stress-pacing I do while I compile to-buy lists for all my giftees will be enough to abort this food baby. Question: is my giftee list so huge because that’s what happens when you get older, or am I just super popular? (Regardless of the real answer, I’m gonna tell myself it’s because of the latter.)

November 24, 2011

This is Tina, and I’m from Waco.

Friday Night Lights is a really good show if you feel like watching spectacular storytelling driven by compelling characters, crying hysterically, and/or being incredibly envious of the show’s creators for thinking this up instead of you. I can’t find a single thing to complain about, except this character introduced in a later season named Becky, who is so annoying I could just die. Why are all TV Beckys annoying? Does this mean I’m annoying?!?!

Anyway, I can tolerate Becky soiling my name because she’s usually in a scene with Tim Riggins, who is THE BEST. He’s introduced as a functionally retarded alcoholic; this doesn’t change much throughout the show, but they do give him more depth in later episodes. I could probably go on and on about how I think the writers peeled back his layers in a beautifully nuanced way that you don’t see executed very well on a lot of network television shows… but instead I’m just gonna post of video of him prank calling a Christian radio station.

November 22, 2011

Published on The Hairpin this morning!

Talking about my cancer, which I realize makes me sound like a weird Debbie Downer, but it’s really a celebration! I’m almost five years in remission, bitches, and my remaining ovary shows no signs of pooping out another tumor!

It’s more exciting than a chemo photo shoot:

November 18, 2011

The kinds of questions I answer over gchat all day

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November 16, 2011

One of the hardest parts of my job…

…is deciding on which happy dog picture to plug into the bottom of which (otherwise boring) email.

I love you, Buzzfeed.

November 14, 2011

It’s a moo point

I recently listened to an older episode of The Sound of Young America interviewing Judd Apatow (you should probably stop what you’re doing and listen to it right now – I’ll still be here when you get back). One of the things he talks about is when his career as a joke writer for various sitcoms took off. It got me thinking about some of my favorite lines of television. I thought I’d start cataloging them as I think of them and find them.

I never followed Friends closely, which is one of the reasons I like it so much. A good sitcom is designed so the viewer is able to tune into any episode of any season and know exactly what is going on, even if they’re not caught up or have never seen the show before. I think Friends does this particularly well; it’s easy to follow, interesting for exactly half an hour, and all the characters make you laugh to some degree. Phoebe was always my favorite, but this line from Joey sticks out as one of the more hilarious jokes on the show.

November 14, 2011

Where I thought I would be at 23, at different points in my life

Age 6: I’d look like my grandma. (Any number over 20 seemed so big.)
Age 11: Olympic gold medalist swimmer in the 100m butterfly, and maybe the 200m butterfly if I worked really hard.
Age 14: Standford graduate with a hot business major boyfriend and huge boobs.
Age 15: Musical prodigy discovered singing at an open mic night inside a cafe at NYU. With huge boobs.
Age 16: Orthopedic surgeon whose huge boobs never got in the way of saving lives.
Age 18: Television writer with big jokes and even bigger boobs. (My high school drama teacher told me I shouldn’t count on this ever happening.)
Age 20: Still a television writer, but slightly less obsessed about boob size.
Age 21: Grad school.
Age 22: Not in grad school.

Where I actually found myself at 23: Living in San Francisco and cold all the time. Sleeping with a hot (though not a business major) boyfriend despite the fact that my boobs are not as big as I’d wished them earlier in life. Also actually making a living writing jokes, so suck my beautiful tits, former high school drama teacher.

November 5, 2011

Lesbian litmus test

If a straight girl takes an enthusiastic bite, there might be something fishy going on.





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