Posts tagged ‘beyonce’

February 7, 2012

Today I learned:

Beyoncé sells private dance lessons for three million dollars.

January 26, 2012

Happy cancerversary to meeee!

Awww, shit. Do you know what time it is, Left Ovary? Of course you do – when you spend your days alone in my pelvic cavity, you have nothing to do but mark the passage of time!

Let’s take a look at how we celebrated this glorious eventide in years past…

Year 1: Planned an egg-themed party (get it?!?!), but then I got strep throat and canceled it.
Year 2: My roommate and I got hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street to meet our friends at a bar for some celebratory drinks. We were airlifted to Stanford Hospital with broken skulls and hemorrhaging brains; we both almost died. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS ACTIVITY AS IT REALLY BRINGS DOWN THE MOOD.
Year 3: Was a little wary of leaving the house after the previous year’s shenanigans. Convinced myself having a near-death experience was some sort of karmic retribution for gloating about surviving cancer when so many people do not. Opted to not celebrate that year.
Year 4: Totally forgot until my mom called me a week later to wish me a “happy belated you’ve-almost-died-twice anniversary!” Hadn’t had a near-death experience that week, which further cemented my theory that not publicly celebrating your remission is good karma.
Year 5: Plan on hiding under my covers while youtubing Beyoncé videos all night.

We’ve come a long way, Lefty baby. Happy five years.